029 - "Poster Boyfriend"

Comments:

12/22/08 - "Expecting Standards vs. Living Up to Them "

To start off, have you ever wonder why there seems to be always a special person for everyone in this world?

Different people have different standards and expectations. It's perfectly acceptable to a certain degree. People who are expecting for a girlfriend or boyfriend with a certain set of qualities must set a certain set of standards with themselves also.

Standards that either sex looks for are based on power and health. Power usually mean for wealth social dominance while health means for attractiveness or any other deseriable physical and/or emotional characteristics. Although, certian people may emphasize certain attribute more. "I like my future spouse with more power, does that mean I'm greedy?" If you look at it either way, than you might be "greedy" no matter what. However, it just means you want a more readily available form of security in the social world. Those emphasizing health in a partner wants security in companionship. In either situation, having too much dependence on one over the other can backfire. Power and health goes hand in hand and must be balanced.

If someone has standards for their boyfriend/girlfriend that are high - in a measurable terms that it is significantly higher than themselves in power and health- that person will be grateful when he/she first gets him/her, but the effect won't be as good in the long run if he/she did the chasing more than if the other party did the chasing. That is because if the chaser is going for someone with higher standards and suceeds, the opposite party does it more out of pity. It's a general rule, but doesn't apply to all. The same thing happens vice versa if the standards are lower than it should be. No one is really "desperate" out there and would go for anyone. Standards exist no matter it may be significant or not. There are boundaries no matter what as we evolved from selective mating in which mates picked out only the strongest and fittest. Thus, everyone can find someone special to them.

Overall, reflect on your standards and see if there's any adjustments needed to maximize your overall satisfaction in a relationship. Though remember such adjustments is not necessarily to change who you are.

- Mike

^_^